The 1.3 second fart

The Fart


81 thoughts on “The 1.3 second fart

      • No you left out two words, “has been”.

        It should read,”….flash of time than all that HAS BEEN accomplished…”

        I can challenge the belief that prayer is useless and your premise is patently false but it would just be a waste of time. Instead I would offer a classic fart joke.

        A little old couple prepares to go to bed. They no sooner hit the pillows when the old man farts and says, “Seven Points.”

        His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?”

        The old man replied, “It’s fart football.”

        A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, tie score.”

        After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, “Aha. I’m ahead 14 to 7.”

        Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another one and says, “Touchdown, tie score.”

        Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, “Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.”

        Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beat by a woman, so he strains real hard, but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he’s got, and accidentally he shytes in the bed. The wife says, “What the hell was that?”

        The old man says, “Half time, switch sides.”


      • The joke was ok but i saw the punchline coming from a mile away. You can swear here, Roy, it’s ok. You can write shit… I assure you, you won’t get struck down by lightning. I had a word to Zeus. It’s fine.


      • I don’t cuss, nor do I profane. Star dust? Really? Why not come out and say it?

        Still waiting for you to add the missing words to your fart meme. Aren’t you concerned others will use your image and since it has your name attached make you somewhat stupid?


      • I’ve suggested before that your poorly thought through ideas are that of a 3rd grader…. I’m now beginning to suspect you are in fact a 3rd grader.

        Did you read my post on language usage by Americans?


      • Vidasdecristo,

        You seem to believe that atheists enjoy mocking Christians. I think we would prefer accepting you …

        however, if you go to a party … take a dump in the snack bowl and proclaim, “Announcement to the Atheists!! I have added divine cheese to your tortilla chips. Eat and be saved.”

        What would you expect the reaction to be?


      • A 1.3 second prayer,
        if it makes just one person happy,
        will have advanced the entire field of
        human endeavor further in that brief flash of time
        than all that has been accomplished by a million men
        spending a hundred million hours hating the ones who pray.

        Live and let live. J. Starship

        You been holding back
        And I know you’re afraid to feel
        Some one hurt you long ago
        And the wounds just did not heal

        You never shed a tear
        You had to keep control
        So the wounds kept spreading
        Until they got down in your soul

        Don’t you think it’s time
        Time to forgive
        Leave the past behind
        Live and let live

        Been holding onto anger
        Now it’s got a hold on you
        And bitterness keeps growing
        Affecting everything you do
        Time to break the chains
        You could slip them off today
        It’s time to make some changes
        Before your whole life slips away

        Don’t you think it’s time
        Time to forgive
        Leave the past behind
        Live and let live


      • To say a 1.3 second fart is a more worthy endeavor than a man praying is hate speech.

        The man praying is praying to someone he loves, even if he is “as you say” delusional in this belief, it makes him happy.

        Hate speech is communication that vilifies a person or a group on the basis of one or more characteristics such as color, disability, ethnicity, gender, nationality, race, religion, and sexual orientation.


      • I didn’t say it was more worthy, you fool… I said it was (if it made just one person smile) more fruitful, more productive. Please, prove the statement wrong if you can. Of course, we all know you can’t so its a dead issue.

        Harden up, Princess. Just because this meme has gotten under your skin doesn’t mean its hateful.


      • Seems I got under your skin by;

        1) Pointing out your statement is hate speech, based upon said definition.
        2) Not using cuss words.
        3) Rewriting your meme showing prayer more worthy than the haters of those who pray without using hate speech against the haters.
        4) Adding two words (has been) to make the statement have a clearer understanding.
        5) I have not demanded you remove the offensive png.
        6) Not reverting to the use of hateful and derogatory words to describe you when you lose control and use them on me.

        For a thing to be “more fruitful” and “more productive” over another thing is the same as saying it’s more worthy. If it’s more fruitful and more productive then it is more worthy.

        The statement is wrong. Prayer is effective, you just don’t believe the evidence.


      • I found an interesting article at the far-left Huffington Post site.

        and her follow up

        There are several scientific journal databases online. A good one is The National Center for Biotechnology Information. It’s PubMed database contains many published studies related to the effects of prayer in a variety of situations.


        I could explain my evidence but it would be a somewhat long essay and you wouldn’t read it anyway.

        Let’s just say everyone can hope, wish or pray. (or do none of them)

        Using myself as an example, hoping and wishing has never produced any results for me, yet talking and praying to God has. I believe He hears me because He loves me and He wants what is best for me. The answer will always be yes, no, or not yet. He doesn’t take orders and moves when He decides. I wait upon Him and live by faith, a faith that has produced results and a worthwhile and full life.


    • Hehehe, Figured you should allow enough passage of time to achieve a few minor shifts in tone and pitch… and, of course, a triumphant conclusion followed by the awkward silence which invariably follows after you realise you’re in fact standing in a rather long bank line.


      • “You’re not even close to my skin, Roy… but you’re allowed to dream.”

        I disagree, John, I believe you’ve pissed your pants. Look, everyone, John pissed his pants! John pissed his pants!!




  1. I pray Roy doesn’t read this. Think my prayer will make a difference??

    I’m sure someone could argue that prayer increases seratonin levels and reduces violent behavior … But, this cannot be offset by the norepinephrine and cortisol created by all the prayers that go unanswered.


    • Funny you should bring up the chemicals. That’s exactly what my post was going to be about… following this sentence. I was going to weigh up the chemicals released, the muscles used to smile, blah, blah, blah and present that against, well, the nothing that comes from prayer.

      Saw a great meme on this the other day: “I’ll pray for you,” Translation: “I’m sorry, but I’m not going to lift a fucking finger to help you.”


      • You reckon? I’d say, grammatically speaking, has been is the better word order as its present tense.

        As for your “hate propaganda” perhaps you’d like to show me some evidence that prayer has achieved anything, at any time, except waste peoples time.


      • Vidasdecristo,

        That’s very Christian of you. Formulating critical responses on the basis of grammatical mistakes.

        Go read The Language Instinct, by Steven Pinker.

        Grammar does not add or detract from the meaning of something — unless the recipient of that something detracts the meaning.

        Here, on JOHN’S BLOG … we enjoy it just fine without “has been” …

        Go take a dump in your own snack bowl. No one is going to eat your poop, here.

        You CALLING IT “hate speech” is more hateful than the meme itself.


      • There are no laws prohibiting hate speech as it is defined: any speech that attacks, disparages, and/or demeans a person or group of persons on the basis of their race, religion, ethic status, sexual orientation, disabilities or gender.

        In general, in States which have ‘hate speech’ laws (and many do including, I believe, all EU ones) they tighten the above definition and set the bar somewhat higher and seek to prohibit speech like the above that is, or is likely to be, an incitement of violence or prejudice against the targeted group of persons. Hate speech that does not, or is not likely to cause such incitement etc. is not unlawful.

        Hate speech causes profound and personal offense. The discomfort that is caused to those who are the object of such attacks cannot easily be shrugged off.


        A common feature of satire is strong irony or sarcasm, parody, burlesque, exaggeration, juxtaposition, comparison, analogy, and double entendre. All are frequently used in satirical speech and writing. Irony or sarcasm often professes to approve of (or at least accept as natural) the very things the satirist wishes to attack.

        From wiki/satire

        “Laughter is not an essential component of satire,[7] in fact there are types of satire that are not meant to be “funny” at all. Conversely, not all humour, even on such topics as politics, religion or art is necessarily “satirical”, even when it uses the satirical tools of irony, parody, and burlesque.

        Even light-hearted satire has a serious “after-taste”: the organizers of the Ig Nobel Prize describe this as “first make people laugh, and then make them think”.

        What you guys are doing is not satire.


        You are wrong about me. I do not hate all of you or anyone else. Hate is bad for ones health, clouds the mind, and takes up valuable energy. I could not express myself intelligently as I do if I hated any of you. I would soon revert to calling you vile names and dismissing your opinions as that of a 3rd grader if I hated you.


        The Evangelical way is not hate but the opposite. This lie is as big as all the others. I recently wrote a post on the Good things Christians have done in modern society.

        Just 5 of the more than one hundred examples:

        1) Jane Addams was the first American woman to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for her social work.
        2) London Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children.
        3) Camillus de Lellis – founder of the original Red Cross. Clara Barton – founder and first president of the American Red Cross
        4) Churches were the first orphanages.
        5) The man responsible for drafting the Magna Carta was Stephen Langton (Archbishop of Canterbury)


        Being born evil? Another absurd statement totally twisted. Children are born innocent.


        John, ” I’d say, grammatically speaking, has been is the better word order as its present tense.”

        Agree. Adding those two words just seems to make your statement flow better. I read it 5 times, my wife and daughter read it and also agree those two words seem to be “missing”.

        John, “As for your “hate propaganda” perhaps you’d like to show me some evidence that prayer has achieved anything, at any time, except waste peoples time.”

        Done above using myself as an example and scientific published studies are available at online databases and suggests that it is true. Some denies it, some acknowledge it and some state more testing is required.


        “How long does it take for a newborn human being to starve to death?”

        I don’t know Christo, it’s not a pleasant thing to contemplate. My first thought is a newborn will never starve to death for no sane person will ever allow it.


        “Grammar does not add or detract from the meaning of something.”

        John would argue this one with you Christo. In effect, proper grammer and punctuation is the glue that holds the language together. With the use of incorrect grammar sentences can become meaningless and their message unclear. This means that you aren’t able to communicate effectively and the person who is reading your work may well be quite confused as to your meaning.


      • I’m sure you’re a nice guy, Roy. But you seem to focus on the minutiae of discussion which does not amount to a hill of beans.

        You fail to grasp the Theatrical nature of the internet. John did not stand outside a church and harass people. He made a humorous analogy in a place where unfiltered expression is needed. I anything I think we are too civil. But that’s just my opinion. Not the word of God.

        My point about the newborn human being is that we as a species would never let our own starve and don’t need God.

        God divides, just like its doing now between us. It’s a bone with no meat on it that the generous elite have allowed us to fight over while they rape our planet and rob us of our dignity


      • I’m not an argumentative personality type, nor do I think I know everything and I make mistakes, have failed businesses and marriages behind me. But failure doesn’t define me, failure made me focus and work harder and today I benefit from the persistence.

        You think our discussion and my perspective is small or trifling? I simply responded to each point you and John made in direct and indirect reference to me and placed **** in between to show subject breaks.


        “Unfiltered expression is needed”

        I think this attitude is wrong. When we have no regard for our fellow brothers and sisters, no regard for how our words and actions can hurt, or no regard or respect for different cultures and beliefs that do not aim to hurt others, we devolve as a species.

        Numerous young teens have killed themselves after being cyber-bullied. This is not “theater”, its very real and in these cases the Internet can be described as a weapon. The young don’t have our life expediences and insight to protect themselves against this hate weapon.


        So, I got the “newborn” test right. I studied logic arguments in depth and a question was posed; “Why would a perfect God create an imperfect man?” We are not perfect, we struggle against disease, birth defects, mental illness, poverty, greed, evil and war. We humans have come a long way but still have a much further way to go. There is a very good reason why we are not perfect.


        God divides us, you are correct about that, but only in the fact that we are divided as believers and non-believers. I still love you and respect you brother. I would stop and help you if you were stranded on the side of the highway. I would give you money if you were down-and-out. The food pantry at Church does not ask the one coming in for aid if they believe in God or Jesus. I don’t need to know a mans “belief” in order to help them when they might need it.

        We should all ban together to help the helpless. As they say, The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. I think the fat cats in Washington are the worst. Check out , interesting facts about the debt, global warming, social security and more.


      • Come on, dude. How can you even begin to compare this to cyber bulling?

        I would help you if you were need, too. But, because I have empathy for other human beings. I’m probably generous to a fault.

        I agree that we should find something to agree on, as on the subject of God – we are too far apart.


      • Teen cyber bulling does not always meet the definition of hate speech. I wrote that to defend my position that “unfiltered expression” and the “theatrical nature of the internet” are things that should be tempered.

        I love free speech and the free expression of ideas and thought. We can agree to disagree about God, that’s fine, but the words we use are very powerful. Words can hurt or heal, build up or tear down, comfort or curse.

        The genius of communication is the ability to disagree and to be both totally honest and totally kind at the same time.


      • Cool, thanks Chris.

        I think the “population explosion” is not good because we haven’t evolve at the same pace. There are so many people it becomes harder and harder to feed them all. We have Doctors Without Borders, and we send food, engineers and money to Third World Counties in an attempt to raise them up to our level. The USA, India, and China, consume so much of the Earths resources it seems to me it is somewhat unsustainable. In a greedy rush to make profit some short cuts are taken and rivers and oceans get polluted. Every Country should adopt and enforce strict environment protection rules like in the USA and EU.

        Considering your question about the Bible and birth control…

        Modern birth control methods were unknown in Bible times, and the Bible is, therefore, silent on the matter. The Bible does have quite a lot to say about children, however. The Bible presents children as a gift from God, a heritage from the Lord, a blessing from God, and a crown to the aged. God sometimes blesses barren women with children. God forms children in the womb. God knows children before their birth.

        Contraception, by definition, is merely the opposite of conception. It is not the use of contraception that is wrong or right.

        The inability to have children when they are desired is always presented in Scripture as a bad thing, especially considering the cultural stigma attached to childlessness at that time. There is no one in the Bible who expressed a desire not to have any children. At the same time, it cannot be argued from the Bible that it is wrong to use birth control for a limited time, or even permanently, for that matter. All married couples who believe, should seek the Lord’s will in regards to when they should try to have children and how many children they seek to have.

        It all comes down to this: no one has the right to determine whether someone else should or should not use birth control, how many children is the “right” number for them, or whether they should have children at all. As in all things, we are not to judge others or cause brothers and sisters in Christ to stumble, spiritually speaking.


      • it appears that we MAY have found some common ground. You could have just said, “hell yes,” though, and appealed to the buffoon (or baboon) in me 🙂

        If you have a charity that you like which provides birth control to women in Africa, I will show support for it.


      • I’ve been accused of being long-winded at times, sorry. | : – )

        I don’t know of any charities that provide condoms expressly for birth control. Africa has a huge problem with HIV and Aids and that is the main intent of providing free condoms to the poor of Africa. is a good one. is another that gives aid to 30 Countries in Africa.

        Q: Why do Baboons have big nostrils?
        A: They have big fingers.


  2. I no sooner finished reading your post than a moment passed where I advanced the field of human endeavor yet one more time. In fact, my wife says I should do it less often and allow other people to take care of this for a while. Such is the life of a plant-based diet. 🙂


  3. As your resident chemist I must add that farts are created by fermentation (Yes, Woody, fermentation of excess plant material in your intestines), the same process that gives us beer. It is as if some divine entity provided fermentation to make us happy. I call it the Farting Beermeister and I make it in our image so all will know that it is a human deity and not an alien one. All wishing to praise this deity must lift a glass (or stein, or mug) and a cheek appropriately. Further details of worship will be provided when I get tax-exempt status.


  4. excellent. I at one point in time picked up saying “Fiddle farts!” as a mild expletive (I am no longer so “genteel”). Then I realized that those must be the squeaky ones that the “church ladies” emit.


  5. Isn’t the fact that we fart evidence of a shitty design?
    Or that we shit?
    Wouldn’t a good designer make us release energy in a way that doesn’t fucking stink and pollute the planet???
    I think that’s a good post idea for you, if you haven’t already done it.


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