It takes a very special kind of crazy to inspire me to do a rubber-hits-the-road Newser post; the type of crazy that out-crazy’s even the extraordinary crazy practiced by young earth Christian creationists. I’m talking here about that rarefied brand of crazy that leaves Ken Ham looking like the reasonable one standing at the Bonkers $1 Buffet and would (if he existed) freak the bejeebers out of Beelzebub. It’s that unusual cut of crazy that makes William Lane Craig sound almost sensible, Glenn Beck halfway rational and, conversely, precisely what makes Ren & Stimpy cartoons so mind-bendingly brilliant. Although happy to take daytrips (just to disrupt the workings of the rational universe) such eyeball-popping crazy has but one permanent 21st century home, Islam, and driving the triple-decker silly car inside that five ringed circus of buffoonery are the uncut assclowns of the Islamic Department of Crazy; otherwise known as The Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vices. Here that very special kind of crazy feels perfectly at ease and earlier this week its religious storm troopers, the mutaween, thundered into the Jenadrivah Heritage & Cultural Festival (Riyhad) ready to demonstrate just how expert they are in practicing this particular pedigree of gold-plated religious madness.
The mutaween’s targets were men, three of them to be exact; delegates representing the UAE whose heinous crime was, we hear, being too damn handsome. That’s right: they had looks that could kill! According to the Elaph newspaper the Saudi religious police “feared female visitors could fall for them,” and that type of loosed sandblasted majesty called for the kind of action only the proud agents of the Islamic Department of Crazy could possibly pull off. Lives, after all, were surely going to be lost if this evil was left unchecked. Something had to be done, and done quickly. The devilishly dreamy men were pounced upon with a subtlety only true crazy knows, arrested, dragged from the pavilion and bundled aboard a plane never to soil Saudi sands again with their Hell-borne chiselled features.
Cataclysm averted… and I really have nothing further to add to this story except to give it up to Islam: that place where undocked crazy hangs it hat.