Ever wondered what mischievous genius looks like? Eyes left. This is Dr. Maarten Boudry, a research fellow at Ghent University’s Department of Philosopy & Moral Sciences, and although I’m nearly two years late in on this story, he’s my new hero. In one finely tuned act of disciplined madness this magnificent package of humanist kickass demonstrated that Christian theologians have not only removed themselves so far from reality that they can no longer even recognise it, they also simply don’t care. This, of course, is not news to those of us inhabiting the more rational world, but Boudry actually tested it, and like lab rats with 90% of their brains re-routed to a pair of damp woollen socks the Christian philosophers performed their reality-evading trick on cue; and by doing so they did nothing but confirm Thomas Paine’s sophic 1794 observation:
“The study of theology, as it stands in Christian churches, is the study of nothing; it is founded on nothing; it rests on nothing; it proceeds by no authorities; it has no data; it can demonstrate nothing.” (Thomas Paine, The Age Of Reason)
The experiment (first published by the always exceptional Jerry A. Coyne, a friend of Boudry) was simple enough: write an utterly nonsensical, anti-Darwin lecture abstract full of theological gibberish and submit it to two Christian philosophy conferences, including the Reformational Philosophy Association’s “The Future of Creation Order.” Now there’s no easy way of elaborating on this other than to say the abstract made less sense than a poem penned by a stoned buffy-headed marmoset using only a vacuum cleaner as a quill. Astonishingly though, the abstract was accepted without a moment’s hesitation and Boudry’s alter ego, Robert A. Maundy of the fictitious College of the Holy Cross, was slotted in as a speaker at both conferences… invitations he (of course) declined after announcing it all a hoax.
Now there simply aren’t enough adjectives in the English language to describe how awesome this 394 word slice of mesmerising mindlessness is, so get comfortable and prepare your brain for one the finest unhinged carnival rides it’s ever going to experience; a ride Christian theologians believed made perfect sense:
The Paradoxes of Darwinian Disorder.
Towards an Ontological Reaffirmation of Order and Transcendence.
Robert A. Maundy, College of the Holy Cross, Reno, Nevada
In the Darwinian perspective, order is not immanent in reality, but it is a self-affirming aspect of reality in so far as it is experienced by situated subjects. However, it is not so much reality that is self-affirming, but the creative order structuring reality which manifests itself to us. Being-whole, as opposed to being-one, underwrites our fundamental sense of locatedness and particularity in the universe. The valuation of order qua meaningful order, rather than order-in-itself, has been thoroughly objectified in the Darwinian worldview. This process of de-contextualization and reification of meaning has ultimately led to the establishment of ‘dis-order’ rather than ‘this-order’. As a result, Darwinian materialism confronts us with an eradication of meaning from the phenomenological experience of reality. Negative theology however suggests a revaluation of disorder as a necessary precondition of order, as that without which order could not be thought of in an orderly fashion. In that sense, dis-order dissolves into the manifestations of order transcending the materialist realm. Indeed, order becomes only transparent qua order in so far as it is situated against a background of chaos and meaninglessness. This binary opposition between order and dis-order, or between order and that which disrupts order, embodies a central paradox of Darwinian thinking. As Whitehead suggests, reality is not composed of disordered material substances, but as serially-ordered events that are experienced in a subjectively meaningful way. The question is not what structures order, but what structure is imposed on our transcendent conception of order. By narrowly focusing on the disorderly state of present-being, or the “incoherence of a primordial multiplicity”, as John Haught put it, Darwinian materialists lose sense of the ultimate order unfolding in the not-yet-being. Contrary to what Dawkins asserts, if we reframe our sense of locatedness of existence within a the space of radical contingency of spiritual destiny, then absolute order reemerges as an ontological possibility. The discourse of dis-order always already incorporates a creative moment that allows the self to transcend the context in which it finds itself, but also to find solace and responsiveness in an absolute Order which both engenders and withholds meaning. Creation is the condition of possibility of discourse which, in turn, evokes itself as presenting creation itself. Darwinian discourse is therefore just an emanation of the absolute discourse of dis-order, and not the other way around, as crude materialists such as Dawkins suggest.
Postscript: I’ve since been in contact with Boudry regarding the reaction of conference organisers after the hoax was revealed. Below is Maarten’s emails of the 13th and 14th of May, 2013
Thanks for your email, though surely you bestow too much honor on my humble hoax! 🙂 To answer your question: some theologians were outraged and accused me of dishonesty and abuse of academic trust, other theologians were blaming the organizers of the conference for not seeing through this obvious nonsense. Still others claimed that Jerry Coyne and I had missed very subtle distinctions between theology and Reformational philosophy. I plead guilty, though I can’t speak for Jerry. The conference board tried to ignore the kerfuffle as much as possible, though chairman Gerrit Glas has been noted for saying that, although the abstract puzzled him a bit, he gave it the benenit of the doubt, because after all postmodern writing are “often impenetrable”. Amen to that!
Best,
M.
You´re right: when I submitted the abstract, I thought I had pushed it too far, and that anyone with two neurons to rub together would see through it (I mean, seriously, that word pun with dis-order and this-order). It´s not just that the structure of the argument is unclear — literally every sentence is sheer nonsense. For me it was an exercise in writing pseudo-profundities with evocative language. As it turns out, it’s not easy to keep meaningful interpretations at bay. Your brain (or mine in any case) wants to construct a coherent narrative, so the trick is not to think about the previous sentences, but rather to focus on the grammar and syntax, and freely associate with the jargon of Sophisticated Theology. As soon as some part started to make sense, I went out of the window. The quote by John Haught is real, and appears in God after Darwin, if I’m not mistaken.
Best,
M.
I bet the reason he was invited to speak at the conference is because no one could make tail or head of that gibberish.
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And that was precisely his point. But then again, “we reframe our sense of locatedness of existence within a the space of radical contingency of spiritual destiny, then absolute order reemerges as an ontological possibility” seems to make perfect sense, doesn’t it 🙂
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anything antidarwin will do…must have been a big ::headdesk:: !!
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I couldn’t make heads or tails of it. That is how complex it is 🙂
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I think it might make sense at Planck scales…. I suspect down there little strings of energy are jumping in ecstasy!
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“the … radical contingency of spiritual destiny” lol that is fanfrickintastic. the ideas of contingency and destiny completely contradict each other … par for the course in the religious mind I suppose …
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I think i’ve read it over ten times from beginning to end already, and i find new little gems each time. It really is a work of art.
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That is one reason that Paine has been ignored in the US…..he spoke the truth and they could not stand for that
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That’s odd considering your Founding Fathers were champions of the Enlightenment.
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Huh? Hardly. I remember learning about him in school, in a couple different classes actually. One was in connection with the Revolution of course, and another with respect to American literature. Maybe he isn’t lauded as much as you and I think he should be, but ignored? No.
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I agree but they were also “God fearing”…what ever that means……. especially twats like Washington
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Off to a Bipolar start, huh? 😉
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“God-fearing” is description that’s applicable more to atheists, heathens, and heretics, because they are the people who would have more reasons to fear God. Real Christians are supposed to be “God-loving”.
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Is your profile picture inspired by Boudry’s ?
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Ha! No, but would you think less of me if i dressed like my new hero? 🙂
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Never my brother 😉
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He said “locatedness. 🙂
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That made me giggle, too! Writing gibberish is one thing, simply making up words is another thing altogether! Like i said, a genius 🙂
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I actually rather like it when people make up words; All words were made up at one point, after all. If the person you’re speaking to understands what you’re saying, well, isn’t that the essence of communication? Besides, “locatedness” is fun to say out loud. Really, go ahead. Try it. Locatedness. Locatedness. It’s like biting into good soft french bread with a chewy crust. Hahaha
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It’s a great word… Even better that it was created in whimsical abandon!
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Exactly! 😀
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How embarrassing.
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A little, yeah. Still, sometimes the mirror just has to be held up
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I can appreciate this text in a ‘subjectively meaningful way’, even though I cannot make heads or tails of it. Great post! 🙂
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Oh, you and your subjective reality, Lively! Must we go over this again? The objective moral imperative derived from within the stoic necessity of movement, and the friction of said movement, must override all junctures of mind which are, in the end, Tuesday afternoon chocolate milkshakes. It’s really quite simple, my friend
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I am working on it. Somehow, the chocolate milkshake makes sense… 🙂
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There is truth in the coca bean 😉
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I’m glad I wasn’t supposed to understand it, because I stopped reading after “the valuation of qua…” and was briefly ashamed of myself. And now I am happy again. 🙂
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Well done Charlie Bucket… You passed! You passed the rational human test! Now take that winners smile and proceed through the door over there on the left, and enjoy reality!
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Is that why you stole his hat?
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Shame on you. My hat’s a fedora, fashioned from the hide of unicorns and the underlay of baby toucans.
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dipped in oil 😉
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Blue Whale oil, of course!
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with maybe some italian herbs and spices…
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If they’re rare and/or endangered, absolutely 😉
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haha and a la carte
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Al Fresco… served up by a troupe of singing spectacled langur’s who’re all named, Errol.
Oh shit, better stop this before it gets out of control… someone could lose an eye.
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🙂
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Sometimes, your posts make my pregnant brain feel stupid. I’m glad that I read some other comments on here to realize that the article actually made no sense. I was extra worried for a minute there!
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Silly thing, didn’t you read the intro? 🙂
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I swear I did, but it’s like my IQ has dropped several hundred points in the last trimester, lol.
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🙂 OK, i think we can accept that explanation. On the homestretch, huh… must be getting exciting
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I’m so, so confused.
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Yep, you’re human and have both your feet firmly in reality! Congratulations!
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This is totally what Deepak Chopra does. Brilliant way to turn the tables.
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Ah yes, the old DWB method…. Dazzle with Bullshit
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Haha. Perfect.
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I think somebody did this to musicians too…. His name was like Bob Dylan or something….
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Wait… wut?
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…..cause his lyrics are nonsensical….
I’ll never be a comedian 😦
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Yes you will Buckaroo banzai…. you’re just not praying hard enough.
But Dylan wasn’t singing gibberish deliberately, was he? I thought it was all part of the scrawny white Jewish boy thinking he was an Alabaman black folk star act….
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HA!hahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa…… *gasp* that was beautiful, sir!
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Nice one Logan!
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Oh don’t encourage him, English…. 🙂
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haha! someone gets it. see John, you’re just humorless
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🙂
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I knew there was power in pseudointellectualpsychobabble, but now I see there is even more power in hyperstilyzedpseudointellectualpsychobabble.
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Ah ha… i see you don’t suffer from Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia!
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No, but I can get queasy and nauseated when people ask me to go to church.
This was a most excellent post, btw.
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Honey, they only read the title: Darwin Sucks. The rest was just icing. This was great man. Thanks for the aneurism.
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Brain bleed courtesy of the Belgian Master.
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Great post, I need this stimulation on a daily basis. Keep it coming.
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If the great god Velles wills it, it shall be 😉
btw, you need a Follow Blog by Email widget thingy. Your posts get lost in my Reader.
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Will look for follow blog by email thingy. Thanks
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I suspect the only thing they understood was that it sounded vaguely anti-Darwinian 🙂
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A light went on somewhere… where, exactly, perhaps only those terribly bright head docs in Vienna could say 🙂
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It seems to me his whole point–in jesting of course–was that materialism doesn’t acknowledge a transcendent conception of reality. And that it is not so much about the empirical structure of order but the metaphysical idea of absolute order that is truly essential and meaningful for human existence.
However, most of it is just nonsensical gibberish and a number of sentences in the faked abstract are only relevant to the idea above tangentially.
Of course, the two Christian philosophy conferences should be properly humiliated for admitting the abstract. Did the two conferences have a response for why they admitted it, John?
Regards
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Persto, I’m going to pretend i understood your first 75 words and just say, Uh hah, and hope you don’t ask for any clarification. 😉
Not sure if there was a response. I wanted to contact Boudry (or even Coyne) but I couldn’t find an email and gave up. I’d be interested to hear if there was one… If I find out I’ll post an update.
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Brilliant idea! I have to admit I did not read that abstract to the end, it hurts 🙂
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You should try… it get’s even weirder the further you go.
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I have some plans with my brain for the future. I don’t want to become mad 😉
No, actually it is late now and I am tired. I am sure it is very funny and I can enjoy it more when I am slept out.
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Haha. No worries.
Alright sounds good.
Regards
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You’re a good man!
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I feel inspired! That was amazing – if it had had some equations in it, it would have been perfect!!
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Not everything can be reduced to sums, Miss Wisp. Sumtimes you gotta have faith (reminds me, I’m overdue my biennial faithlift) …
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A ride on the crazy train does one wonders, eh? I agree… it’s brilliant. My new hero!
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Are you guys all a wee bit … dim? It makes perfect sense to me.
Further more, oogle fweet twerble blip blip vladda-badda-BOOM! Und Gott schrtike das speegels in Lemurian armpitta brods danken anal twitch …
There. Now I’ve explained it in terms so basic even you abject mental failures can understand; if you still don’t got it I give up.
(SCOTTIE: beam me back up, please …)
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Oh, you’re just talking Hobbit, bloody Kiwi 😉
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But seriously folks (we aren’t?) … isn’t it a bit like using a cruise missile to shoot a fish in a bucket?
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Yup… But they deserved it for being so silly in the first place.
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Big words. Many, many big words :s
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I think the general modus operandi for theologians is to beat the listener’s brain into submission using a mallet called “confusion.” This, of course, makes perfect sense as the promoters of any and all religious gibberish are holding nothing but an empty box.
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I just wish they’d learn how to use paragraphs while they’re dribbling nonsense…
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I did contemplate dividing it up to make it easier on the eye, but i couldn’t even find a juncture between the gibberish.
Good to see you, Heathen!
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George Santayana, of the “Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it” quote, also hath said, “Nonsense is so good only because common sense is so limited”. Yo ho ho !
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Faith~! Ya gotta have faith.
And to anyone brought up on the Holy Burble or the Holey Koran your quoted passage makes perfect sense.
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So bloody clever!
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Naughty, but brilliantly so!
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Awwwww, shucks … any genius coulda done it …
(VIZ FX: insert modest wags here)
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Awesome. Do we know what the reaction was of the two Christian philosophy conferences when they were told it was a hoax?
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Unfortunately, no…. but I’m keen to hear, too. ‘Shame’ comes to mind 😉
I’ve sent Ghent University an email trying to get in contact with Boudry, but i haven’t heard back yet.
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Larry, just put Maarten’s emails up as a postscript.
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It is nice to see triple B in action (bullshite baffles brains). It is unfortunate that Philosophy and other disciplines can descend into waggly prose strangling ouroboroses o’ doom so quickly.
The above subterfuge would not as easy to pull off if one of the goals of philosophy was clear thinking and reasonable arguments as opposed to the word wanking that is far too common today.
Lamentations about the state of philosophy is in aside, such an abstract couldn’t happen to a more deserving subset of individuals. 🙂
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Shit, Arb, you have a way with words! I stand in awe of your mastery 🙂
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My head is still spinning … I’ll go bite someone …
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Make sure it’s a child, preferably one named Francis.
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Wowzer! That to me reads like a linguistic treatise on how to wrestle yourself to death with a rubber-band! 🙂
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He did well, didn’t he?
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He sure did, a true genius. To be able to pen something like that without getting bored out of your skull is a feat in itself. I can only assume he was high on his own good humour!
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A more finely written example of pseudo-scientific theological blather may have never before been penned. lol
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It’s the kind of thing that makes my cells dance. Actually just sent Boudry an email so we’ll see if we can get an update on it
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I can’t wait.
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Just put his emails up as a postscript 🙂
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Poetry. Pure poetry.
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That’s really interesting, art in fact. I’m working on a post about an earlier hoax. Details later. Busy, busy, yes, yes.
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Any clues as to which one?
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I’ll give it away – the Sokal hoax.
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Ah, that was what inspired Boudry! Excellent, looking forward to it 🙂
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An episode in the history of Sophisticated Theology that needs to be more well-known.
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My sentiments exactly, Joe. Go forth and spread the Good Word!
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I think this guy musta wrote our tax form instructions while he was attit. I find much academicese like fowl cheese, hence steadfastly maintain an aversion toit.
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Appears that was precisely what Boudry set out to demonstrate. Mission Accomplished, i believe.
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I was here…….but didn’t read. Just looked at the pictures. 🙂
Thanks for your note of inquiry. Really miss being here and the fun. Plan to do some reading for a few days. Not sure if I feel like jumping back in yet, but I do feel better…..due to all the prayers and woo.
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The pictures are there only for you, you gorgeous thing. It’s my light on the porch so you know i’m here, and that there’s warm soup inside 🙂
Thanks for calling by, Meme. You made my day.
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Thank you so much, John. I’m badgering our Kenyan friend now. I’m surprised he is not in jail. 😦 His thoughts ……. and yours are always so refreshing and honest. Must think of a good blasphemous song for you all.
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Oh yes please! We need a heathen anthem 😉
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It seems unfortunate and incoherent that such an abstract is genuine of much contemporary ‘post-modernists’ and this hoax reveals much about the impression management that goes on in so many circles, not just academic (ha ha) ones. The world is full of this drive towards complexity. No-one in any kind of powerful position likes straightforward and simple. The reasons are many but mostly complexity is a tool of oppression designed to obscure clear thinking.
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Very well said. People are odd beasts, shy to admit they don’t understand something for fear of looking stupid. It’s a personality flaw which is easy to prey on. We all suffer from it, but i do at least try to raise my hand when i’m honestly confused.
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I thought: Let me stroll through this site again and show John I am interested. I will find a blog post I haven’t read and give a like….real friendly like.
Scroll scroll scroll.
Got to the bottom of the post and found I had already liked it.
Confess I didn’t read it for the 2nd time. 😦 But I did see mention of Jerry Cohn and I do read there sometimes. That should be sufficient I think.
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Hahaha…. yeah, that’s enough 🙂
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Absolute genius.
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The best kind… cheeky.
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This is AWESOME!!! My kinda guy! I’ve a new hero. Of course ding-bats thought this was legit. It makes no bloody sense at all. Wonderful.
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Good, huh? Man after my own heart 🙂
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Mine too. This is a great way to show what a bunch of shit apologectics is to apologists. Of course, they won’t get the point, but I sure do. Love it.
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