Linguistic Creationism

The following is taken directly from Uncyclopedia.

 Linguistic Creationism is a theory stating that all of the natural languages could not have developed naturally, so they must have been intelligently designed by God when he destroyed the Tower of Babel.

ARGUMENTS FOR LINGUISTIC CREATIONISM

Irreducible Complexity: If you remove letters from the word “book” you get “ook”, “bok” and “boo”, all of which are nonsensical and hence not sustainable by usage for subsequent evolution into meaningful words. It is thus impossible that the word “book” developed from any other word, it must have been created by God so in order to be used.

Improbability of spontaneous linguistic genesis: It is highly improbable that even the simplest English sentences were formed from alphabet letters spontaneously, since the odds of monkeys banging away on hypothetical typewriters and in so doing generating a readable and semantically meaningful text is vanishingly small. Hence the English language must have been divinely created and bequeathed to us by God.

Anthropomorphic Principle: All of the sounds and words in spoken languages can be pronounced, and appear perfectly designed for us. If languages developed by mutations, they would have words like “wthgrrlndyksl” and “gvprtskvni” which would be impossible to speak and understand, hence, the change in a language can only be harmful and languages must have been created as they originally were.

Absence of transitional languages: There are no written texts in Proto-Germanic, Proto-Indo-European and other hypothetical old languages which may be demonstrably shown to be linguistic precursors of the English language. Since no visible stages of development, or transitional manuscripts, were found we can suspect all these transitional languages never existed and English was intelligently designed as it is now by a God proven to exist by the Scriptures.

First speaker problem: If Modern English arose from Old English, who did the first speaker of Modern English talk to?

Sun–son homonymy: In the English language, the tongue spoken by Baptists, God’s own people, the words for the physical source of all light and the spiritual source of all light are homonyms. This suggests that God is trying to remind his chosen people of their Lord and Savior through his creation of language.

Contradiction with the 2nd law of thermodynamics: The idea of a language spontaneouly arising into human usage and evolving from simple words over the years into its complex nature today from nowhere contradicts the 2nd law of thermodynamics as applied to information theory, which states that (linguistic) information will only degrade over time.