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It takes Faith

KING JAMES BIBLE

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121 thoughts on “It takes Faith

    • Oh, there’s no surprise to it, Danny. We’ll all be greeted by the Great Veles, shown to our rainbow coloured reclining banana chairs, handed a cocktail, and urged to join the others throwing spitballs at those fools in Valhalla. Paradise!

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  1. Every time I read something of yours I have to wonder….all those people spending tens of thousands of dollars on a theology major…what are they learning? I mean, how does this not make it into their syllabus? What are they going to learn in this new heinous church/college they’re building up here? You just blew it all out of the water…

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    • Glad you asked, Angie. Here’s what it says on the Campus Culture – Spiritual Life page at Biola U:

      Biola offers you the unique opportunity to strengthen and explore your faith in the context of an authentic all-Christian community. Professors who pray in class, fellow students spontaneously organizing trips to the beach for praise and worship, volunteering locally and internationally to impact the world for Christ — these will be hallmarks of your spiritual experience at Biola.

      A quick peek at their faculty list reveals that it’s a giant who’s who of Christian apologists.

      And Sean McDowell (Josh McDowell’s son) has just joined their “Apologetics” Faculty, as well. From the announcement:

      As a Biola faculty member, McDowell will join a renowned apologetics team that includes R. Scott Smith, Kevin A. Lewis, Clay B. Jones, John A. Bloom, Paul Nelson, Craig J. Hazen, J.P. Moreland, William Lane Craig, Scott B. Rae, David A. Horner, Greg Koukl and a host of others that will be joining Biola On the Road [website removed] this year — a series of apologetics conferences around the nation.

      Now don’t you agree that’s money well spent? After graduation, you too will be able to join lecture circuits defending the faith for fun and profit.

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    • I went to a Catholic university, so I had to take a few theology classes as a requirement. Its basically like philosophy class accept you take religion seriously.

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      • Oh and my so called Catholic university was no different from all others accept they didn’t allow pro-abortion groups. Other than that it was filled with young adults drinking and doing drugs, one girl even died of an overdose. And most students were not necessarily Catholic.

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      • In the States, right? I’d never heard of such a thing, but I’m guessing these are private institutions, right? Here, I saw this earlier on another blog and found it hilarious. This is a quote from Kevin Miller who was sacked from Trinity Western University for not believing in hell:

        “Trinity Western University’s statement of faith includes a theological commitment to hell as a place of eternal torment.”

        A “university” that has a Statement of Faith attached. That’s incredible!

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      • Yes, it was a private university. In all there were probably only 19 theology majors from about 10,000 students. Actually, in my university’s mission statement ‘God,’ was also mentioned, but no one really paid attention to it. And the graduation ceremony of course involved a prayer.

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    • Not a bit. No Christian seems overly concerned with paying heed to the message presented at the Sermon on the Mount. But then again, US Christians have Jesus pegged as a Free Market, Ayn Rand Teapublican who loathes universal healthcare. Go figure!

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      • What did the nice man say that time? “Bomb ’em all—let God sort out His own” or something like that?
        I think ol’ Python had it best “Blessed are the cheesemakers …” but he was sitting right down the back.

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      • Here’s a classic piece from The Onion:

        Jesus Christ Files Lawsuit Against GOP For Slander

        When asked about the lawsuit, House Speaker John Boehner made the following remarks:

        “Mr. Christ is entitled to his opinion, however the GOP believes that the underlying message in the Bible is that giving tax cuts to the wealthy is the true path to happiness. I don’t know where Mr. Christ thinks the Bible says to help the poor and the sick, but that sounds awfully socialistic to me, and we are not a socialist country.”

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  2. Silly man! Who was that guy doomed forever to roll a bloody great rock up to the top of the hill and have it roll down again, and start over? (Gods, don’t you just love ’em?)

    Even if ol’ Jeez came down in person and told ’em it was all rubbish—what do you think would promptly happen? To Him, I mean? (CLUE: think logs, hammer, nails …)

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    • Shift your sights, Man! You didn’t say whose heaven … tired of booze, move over to the houris for a while … tired of houris, move back to booze. I think the Islamic Paradise would be a lot better than the Christian plucking harps and singing praises for eternity. (A pity, but either way I can’t afford the lobotomy …)

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      • Forgot who said it, but in a discussion concerning a heavenly infinity the person outlined that if we take infinity to read as “infinity” then a person in an infinite heaven will eventually do absolutely every variation of EVERYTHING… and still have an infinity after that…

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      • Lengthy Reply Dept:

        A weary traveller called in to the last hotel (“The Infinity Hotel”, would you believe?) on the desert road. He asked the receptionist who chirpily told him ‘No room at the Inn’ and all the usual cheerful apologies. Outside the freezing desert night was falling. From then it went like this (in brief):

        “How many rooms, Miss?”

        “We’re the Infinity Hotel, Sir. We have an infinite number of rooms, all of them filled up. So sorry.”

        The traveller didn’t even hesitate. He promptly told the flabbergasted receptionist what she could do with her hotel that would free up some space for him. She was from Southland, New Zealand, so he had to explain a several dozen times but eventually it got through.
        She did as instructed, and he got his room for the night, all to himself too.

        What did he say to her? After all, no-one in a room had to double-up and nobody was put out into the night. AND no utility rooms were commandeered. 🙂

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      • You’ll kick the poor dog for this:

        So the weary traveller sez to the nice lady behind the counter—

        “Okay. All you do is shift the guy now in room 1 into room 2, that guy into room 3, that chap into 4 etc etc … and I’ll go into the now vacant room 1

        —when you think about it, they can do that an infinite number of times …

        Bugger~! I hate myself (bites own tail in remorse).

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    • Gene I love that idea! A few mates were bored while fishing one day on Galilee, so decided to liven things up with a bit of story telling…you know the sort where you take it in turns to add one word to the story. (My kids used to play it in the car on long journeys!) Then,,, lo and behold…The Bible! Excellent concept! Great post Mr Zande.

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    • Oh, it’s an atrocious piece of fiction. Have you ever read the bible reviews on Amazon? Some are hilarious. Here’s one I just found. By no means the best, but it gives you an idea:

      3.0 out of 5 stars A decent sophomore effort., June 17, 2008
      By
      W. Christian – See all my reviews
      (REAL NAME)
      This review is from: The Holy Bible: King James Version (Paperback)

      For those of you who don’t know, this is God’s second novel after the Old Testament. It’s a marked improvement, in my opinion. He got rid of a lot of his previous angst and scorn, and has really begun to show some of the maturity present in his later works. He’s become a much more loving and kind God, and, noticeably, he doesn’t throw nearly as many tantrums as he did in the first book.

      That said, there is still vast room for improvement. Plot wise, there isn’t really much suspense, and the story can be incredibly repetitive. In like four chapters, he just rewords the same basic story over and over again. To top that off, he puts those chapters one right after the other. Like we wouldn’t notice! I like the whole Jesus character, but let’s face it, the whole good guy martyr thing has been done before. There was no need to devote so much of the book to that guy.

      If you’re really looking for a good God read, check out the Koran or the Book of Mormon. They’re much more polished. Plus, the storytelling in the Book of Mormon is wild. Some people say it goes too far and point to it as evidence that God’s over the hill, but I beg to differ. Just read it. God’s like a genius or something. I mean, magic spectacles! Tell me that isn’t awesome. I don’t know how he dreams up some of this crap

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  3. Good ol’ Caxton. What would we have done without his printing wizardry? Oh yes… the Bible wouldn’t have become a popular read, along with scores of other books. In fact I suppose literature just wouldn’t have been literature, and to speed developments up to the modern day and the advent of e-publishing, your blog JC… oops… sorreee my finger slipped… would not exist. You know the KJB in English was the first book to be published and widely distributed with Caxton’s press don’t you? Of course you do… 😉
    One hand wipes the other one serves….

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    • I had heard that, but i’m not about to give the KJB a pass on those grounds. The Magna Carta (and commentary) would have been a far better choice for the first salvo of the fine English publishing industry 😉

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      • My point was that through an odd quirk of fate, if you can deem it odd at all, is that in the standardised printing of the first fully English bible [I refuse to use capitals for this monstrous publication, everything inferred including kitchen sink, as it just isn’t that worthy of a big B] it has through the advent and rise to stardom of literature over the past 200 years in actual fact, lead to the demise of the religion with which it was supposed to keep afloat. What have the Titanic and the Christian faith got in common? They were both sunk by a ruddy great ice-berg! Glug, glug…. burp!

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      • Exactly, nobody had a bloody clue as to what religion was actually about. Through the dissemination of information that printing allowed, then it was inevitable that there would be a move away from religion, because people like the members of the Royal Society saw the importance of printing and of course jumped on the opportunity to create a purely English speaking identity, and to impose new schools of thought through their own mighty word. Printing encouraged, eventually, people to think for themselves given the available information that just didn’t exist before.

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      • Ah there is a glimmer of light… 🙂
        Isn’t it beautifully poetic? It makes you appreciate quite how much power we have as published writers these days, spreading the word has taken on new connotations, one’s that strip away the old and daft and replace with the new and spangly, and possibly useful.
        Kinda makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside… 😉

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  4. Perfect example of lost in translation.

    Reminds me of that game where you have ten people stand in line facing in one direction, show the last person in line a hand and arm gesture, then see if these gestures are the same after they are shown one by one until it gets to the first person.

    It’s really quite a comical thing to see.

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